I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
