We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
