i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
