What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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