with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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