I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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