I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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