dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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