So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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