Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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