White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
