That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
