I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
