Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
