This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
