My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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