Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
