The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
