I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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