That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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