I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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