I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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