All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
