She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
