something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
