Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
