"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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