i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
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Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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