i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just pee around me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
