the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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