I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
