You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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