the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
