I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
