I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
