imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
