It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
