It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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