I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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