On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
