From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
