I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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