I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude i'm inner monologue high
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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