I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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