Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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