I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
