just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
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I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
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I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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