Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
