I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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