Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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