I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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