Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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