whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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