a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
