I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize