If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
