life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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