hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize