did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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