It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize