If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
