If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
