a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
