Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
