Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
