Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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