I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
